Wednesday, February 15, 2012

The Valentine's Grinch

You may have noticed that Valentine’s Day came and went with nary a word from me on this blog.

That’s because Husband is a Valentine's Grinch.  And now, so am I.

Screw you, Hallmark!

From day one, Husband made it clear Valentine’s Day was not for him.  Too commercial.  Too contrived.  Too unnecessary. 

This used to piss me off mightily. What was wrong with gift-giving?  What was wrong with setting aside one day a year to celebrate love? I wanted to feel special.  Didn’t he want me to feel special?

Thus, Valentine’s Day drove a minor wedge between us.  And for me, at least, it became a point of stress, anger, and disappointment.  I couldn’t let go of the expectation of Valentine’s Day accolades, even when I knew he wouldn’t cooperate.

Flash-forward 10 years, and finally something clicked.  I do feel special.  I do feel loved.  Every single day.  

The funny thing is, I have nothing against Valentine’s Day.  It is nice to set aside a day to show some one you love them.  Lots of people use gift-giving as a way to show others that they love them, and that’s great.  Sometimes people need a special gift, even if it’s just a small token, to feel loved. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that.

It’s just that, Husband and I show love differently.

Gift giving between Husband and I is kind of stressful. Did I spend too little?  Too much?  Will he truly appreciate it?  

But the words he says, the things he does to help me out, and the time we share together every single day, outweigh any gift he could give me.  We also usually do something extra-special for our Anniversary, but even that involves going somewhere extra-fun or extra-special together, as opposed to gift-giving.  

And for what it’s worth, when you share a joint bank account, and check it regularly, it’s difficult NOT to learn where gifts came from and how much they cost, which sort of ruins the surprise.

Maybe things will change.  Maybe someday I’ll decide again that gifts are important, as a means to show you made an effort to think about something your significant other would like and acted accordingly.  

But between him and I, at least right now, ignoring Valentine’s Day makes both of us feel AWESOME.*

*Caveat: Husband, if at any time you change your mind, and feel like celebrating this, or any other holiday, with items such as flowers, chocolate, and coffee, I would welcome these efforts with open arms, and would love you even more, forever and ever, amen.


Anonymous said...

Sounds like your husband and I would get along famously.

Betty Fokker said...

Hubby and I don't "do" Valentine's Day with presents and stuff. Happily, we are both on the same page about it. But if it were important to me, Sweet Babou would spring for a box of chocolates and a card. Perhaps your hubby, who is obviously a good and loving man, would be open to getting you some small symbolic gestures if you were explicit and it was less stress?

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Joshua - I sometimes think there are more Valentine's Day haters out there than Valentine's Day lovers.

@Betty - Husband surprises me at totally random points during the year with things lik flowers and cards, so his lack of Valentine's Day presents is totally forgivable.

Fox in the City said...

My husband and I are right there with you. I don't need or want a gift to show me that he loves me on a day that he is expected to do so. We try and do special little things for each other through out the year . . . those are more meaningful because they are not "expected".

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Fox in the City - I'm totally in agreement with you. I used to hate not celebrating Valentine's Day when I was in college, but now that I'm older I simply appreciate the surprises he gives me throughout the year, rather than getting so hung up over a holiday.

Carmen said...

AMEN SISTER! This Valentine's day we had dinner at home with the kids and he went and played video games while I watched a movie. Just a

So ya Hallmark, like that!

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Carmen - screw hallmark!

Laura said...

Valentine's Day is not for him, it's for YOU. I made that perfectly clear to J from day one. I also have a Birth Month, not a birth-DAY. You gotta start them out right.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Laura - genius!

Marianna Annadanna said...

Aw, so cute.

I need the gifts.

I'm Angela! said...

@Marianna - I totally understand this.