Friday, July 1, 2011

Who The Hell Throws A Suitcase?

Gym class was never my strong suit.  I was the kind of student written gym tests were made for, the kind of student whose otherwise perfect honor roll status should not be tarnished by her inability to shoot a free-throw or finish the shuttle-run without falling down.

Now it just so happened that my high school was located a couple of blocks away from a bowling alley.  So, in an attempt to be progressive, my gym teachers marched us down the road to be used as guinea pigs for an otherwise unheard of bowling unit.

With a little instruction, every one should be able to score 100 points in a bowling game, or so their theory goes.  I’m not sure how they came up with that magic number, but it was set as the standard for obtaining a “C” or better.

They hadn’t counted on me and my ridiculous bowling abilities.  The next two weeks went something like this:

Day 1:  It’s simple, just walk 1-2-3 and then roll the ball down the alley.  1-2-3 roll.

Day 2: 1-2-3 roll.  My ball rolls into the gutter.

Day 3:  No, Angela, you’re holding the ball wrong.  Hold it like you would a suitcase.

Day 4: Who the hell throws a suitcase?  My ball rolls into the gutter.

Day 5: Hmmm.... maybe you need a lighter ball.  Try this one.

Day 6:  1-2-3 roll.  My ball bounces into the gutter.

Day 7:  No, no, no!  Your wrist turned at the end.  Remember, hold the ball like you would a suitcase!

Day 8: WHO THE HELL THROWS A SUITCASE?!  My ball rolls into the gutter.

Day 9: SIGH. Good try.

By day ten I had no less than three gym teachers coaching me through a game of bowling.  With their instruction and support, I was able to score 37 points, a new record!  After class, one of the gym teachers pulled me aside and whispered, “You never bowled 100 but we’re not going to fail you.  We know you tried.

Pity “C” for the win!

11 comments:

SarcasmInAction said...

I HATED gym with a passion!
Who the hell needs to stretch and warm up for ping pong, I ask?
Really? It's ping pong.
Also, who invented that tiny scooter thing on wheels? What life skill is that?

Lindsay Schultz @sayschu said...

I was the queen of surviving gym class on pity, and scornful looks from my able-bodied classmates.

If anyone asks my favorite sport, it will now be suitcase throwing.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Sarcasam in Action - you had those bizzaro scooter things too?! I loved those!

@Lindsay - being an able-bodied gym student is highly overrated.

jacqui said...

Written gym tests? Did you just make that up or did you actually have those?

I've never seen anyone throw a suitcase. It seems like it would be even harder to get a suitcase to roll to the end of the lane and knock over the pins.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@jacqui - we really had them. They were usually just something like 10 multiple choice questions. I too have never thrown a suitcase. No wonder I'm so bad at bowling!

stasha said...

We had to pass Cooper test every year. I could never climb rope.
Bet you got straight A in English literature though :)

Betty Fokker said...

I have the coordination of a drunk ice-skating kangaroo. It's pitiful. So volleyball became the bane of my freshman existence, because people were *vocal* in their despair whenever it was my turn to serve.

Marianna Annadanna said...

At least your pity C was in bowling. Mine was in Finite Math. Not that I didn't get As in everything else, but Math was effing problematic.

Ixy said...

Yes!! As I've explained to several people, bowling is painful. Yes, I lift (small) weights at the gym, but we LIFT them. We do not repeatedly hurl them across the room for an hour.

And 100 seems like an awfully high standard for a C. Good thing my school didn't include bowling in our gym class or there would have been one heck of a black mark on my pretty little record. Haha!

Lizbeth said...

I've thrown a suitcase but in my defense it was empty and aimed at my husband. Whole other story.

Love the pity grades, I took a pity D in Physics and never looked back!

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Stasha - English lit was my friend. Rope climbing was not. This is probably stating the obvious.

@Betty - Ugggg... volleyball was the bane of my gym class existence. Why should I WANT to put my body between a speeding object and the floor?

@Marianna - Math was fine by me until I got to pre-calculus. Then it went downhill, and by downhill I mean it plummeted off a steep cliff.

@Ixy - bowling DOES hurt!!! I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks this.

@Lizbeth - my gym teachers would have much to learn from you. I have a feeling they've never thrown a suitcase either.