My family recently frequented our favorite Chinese restaurant, and as usual the meal ended with fortune cookies. Disappointing, disappointing fortune cookies. Observe:
Fortune 1: A friend will bring you a surprise soon.
Is it a big bag of money? With a dollar sign on the bag? *scans the room hopefully*
Fortune 2: No one can walk backward into the future.
WRONG. My kids walk around backwards all the time, but time marches on. You can't explain that.
Fortune 3: Not just live and let live, but live and HELP live.
OMG, THE FORTUNE COOKIE PEOPLE USE ALL CAPS JUST LIKE I DO!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!
Fortune 4: Now go for it! It’s ready to be pick.
Well now you’re not even trying.