Monday, September 5, 2011

Unfair Fortune

My family recently frequented our favorite Chinese restaurant, and as usual the meal ended with fortune cookies.  Disappointing, disappointing fortune cookies.  Observe:

Fortune 1:  A friend will bring you a surprise soon.

Is it a big bag of money?  With a dollar sign on the bag?  *scans the room hopefully* 

Dammit.

Fortune 2: No one can walk backward into the future.

WRONG.  My kids walk around backwards all the time, but time marches on.  You can't explain that.

Fortune 3: Not just live and let live, but live and HELP live.

OMG, THE FORTUNE COOKIE PEOPLE USE ALL CAPS JUST LIKE I DO!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!

Fortune 4: Now go for it!  It’s ready to be pick. 

Well now you’re not even trying.

8 comments:

chemgirl said...

have you tried adding "in bed" to them?

A friend will bring you a surprise soon, in bed!
maybe your friend is your husband and a surprise in bed sounds nice.

Ixy said...

That last one is awesome.

Marianna Annadanna said...

Cookies should just be cookies. It's what they're best at.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@chemgirl - Ah, the "in bed" game! I forgot about that one.

@Ixy - I know!!

@Marianna - I agree wholeheartedly.

jacqui said...

You know what's even worse than that last fortune? My last fortune cookie had no fortune at all. It completely freaked me out.

Joshua said...

As for number 2, did you ever see "Can't Hardly Wait" : If you're looking backward while trying to go forward, you'll run into a table.

King of New York Hacks said...

My cookie always says "That wasn't Chicken"

Paula said...

I love #2!