Monday, October 10, 2011

Hell Is Full Of Brimstone. And Hard-Water Stains. Probably.

I’ve mentioned before how I loathe cleaning bathrooms.  But I’ve got it down to a science.  The science of doing it wrong.  Observe:
  1. Bring toilet cleaner and all-purpose cleaner upstairs to the bathroom.
  2. Realize you left the paper towels downstairs.
  3. Trek all the way downstairs for the paper towels, and then back up to the bathroom.
  4. Realize you also left the toilet brush downstairs.
  5. Contemplate simply sticking your hands in the toilet and using paper towel to clean it.
  6. Realize this is a disgusting notion.
  7. Go back downstairs once more for the toilet brush, and back up again.
  8. Ponder that an organized person might keep all bathroom-cleaning supplies upstairs in the bathroom.
  9. Lament that I’m not that organized.
  10. Put toilet cleaner in the toilet bowl, and let it sit to do its work.
  11. Start scrubbing toothpaste stains out of the sink.
  12. Realize you forgot to brush your teeth that morning.
  13. Brush your teeth.
  14. Start scrubbing the toilet, mercifully, with the toilet brush.
  15. Find out there are hard-water stains that won’t scrub away.
  16. Contemplate going to the store to buy hard-water stain remover.
  17. Decide that I can live with hard-water stains.
  18. Move on to the bathtub.
  19. Scrub  walls of the tub surround.
  20. Wonder how to clean the floor of the tub surround without getting wet.
  21. Roll up your pants legs and scrub the floor of the tub surround.
  22. The floor of the tub surround won’t come completely clean.
  23. Curse.
  24. Decide to sweep the bathroom floor.
  25. Go downstairs for the broom.
  26. Go back upstairs and sweep.
  27. Contemplate mopping, but the mop is downstairs.
  28. Curse. 
  29. Decide to skip mopping.
  30. Breathe a sigh of relief.  The hellish task is finally at an end.

There you have it. Cleaning the bathroom in 30 easy steps.

But in the future, I’m delegating this chore to Satan’s minions.  I’m sure they’ll thank me for it.


Nicole said...

Don't judge me: I like to clean bathrooms. Yes, I'm medicated..

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Nicole - you can come clean my bathroom any day of the week.

Marianna Annadanna said...

Curses! I hate cleaning the bathroom. I almost always pull a musclein my back and hit my head on the tap.

Janie Jones said...

I live by rule #8. It is soooo worth having one of every cleaning supply in each bathroom and in the kitchen and in the laundry room. And, those bathroom cleaning wipes: GODSEND.

I used to have this awesome toilet brush that had a canister of foaming cleanser built into the handle. It rocked. Amazing how eliminating that one step of reaching into the cupboard to dig out the toilet cleanser made scrubbing toilets so much more tolerable. Then they stopped making the cleanser refills. B*@tards. My toilet has never been that clean since.

Oh, and btw, I am soooo glad you went back downstairs for that toilet brush. I was afraid I was going to have to lose my breakfast.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Marianna - I once smacked my butt crack on the bathtub tap. Lesson learned? Don't clean the bathroom wearing low-rise pants.

@Janie - that sounds like the best toilet brush ever!

TexaGermaNadian said...

Haha, well at least you aren't at the point where you just light the whole dang thing on fire! Too funny girl :)

Lizbeth said...

I loathe cleaning the bathroom. Loathe it.

Betty Fokker said...

I would rather lick a razor blade than clean the bathrooms. For one thing, everyone but me pees around the toilet rather than in it.

Anonymous said...

I feel like I'm the only one who likes cleaning the bathroom. Or cleaning at all. I guess it's not so much liking as an OCD thing.

dbs said...

Built in cursing is always a good idea.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Lizbeth - glad to know I'm in good company

@Betty - Pee stains around the toilet and floor are the worst.

@Texagermanadian - Hmmmm.... fire would take care of this problem for good....

@Joshua - I like cleaning other things. Need something dusted or polished? I'm your gal.

@dbs - it sure is!

Richard W. Schlueter said...

Try cleaning 20 over used and plugged toilets matched by 20 urinals filled with cigarette butts and urinal cakes of various sizes. This head (restroom in English) was located in a Navy hospital and the room had so many blood stains that it could have been used in the movie Saw II. I had 4 hours to make it shine. Opening the first stall made me gag. You do not want me to get into those details and I don’t gag easy.
Going for the utility closet I spotted an emergency fire hose. I unrolled it, twisted the big red valve wheel. The limp snake came alive, the pressure intense. I put on a heavy black rubber apron and face shield.
I had the place dripping clean in 20 minutes, but had to rinse the ceiling several times.
Next time rent a power washer, put on a wet suit and have fun. Problem solved!

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Richard - That is one crazy bathroom story!

Fox in the City said...

And that is why I hate the fact that I had to and be all fiscally responsible let our cleaning lady go . . . cleaning bathrooms. Sigh.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Fox in the City - I daydream about having a cleaning person just to clean my bathrooms. Never gonna happen, though.

Anonymous said...

I'm not a fan of cleaning the bathroom, but I do love when it sparkles!

Hilarious though, the 30 steps. Sometimes that's truly what it's like.

Laura said...

They should make bathrooms where you can just take a hose to it.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@MamaMash - A clean bathroom IS nice, but I feel like it only lasts a day or two, and there's pee stains on the toilet and soap scum in the bathtub.

@Laura - A hose? Brilliant!

jennie jackson said...

yep! That's about how it goes at my house. But next time I will seriously consider having a stash of cleaning supplies upstairs--I just don't know where I'd put them.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Jannie - space is a problem here too, but maybe I'll figure something out :)