We gather here today, to mourn the loss of our beloved dining room chairs. For six years they faithfully crowded before our dining table. But now I have no chairs left. They have disappeared. They have a new purpose in life.
They stand in front of our buffet to prevent Toddler from opening each and every drawer like a poltergeist in pigtails.
They are used by Preschooler to construct blanket forts. The chairs aren’t very good at this, as the blankets constantly fall down, requiring my assistance to set the fort back up again, and again, and again, until I go insane.
I use the chairs as a precarious step-stool to reach the highest shelves in our cupboards, despite the fact that we have a real step-stool in the closet. I’m like a lazy MacGyver.
And, actually, they do serve as chairs during meal-times, lest we all eat off tv trays on the sofa.
So maybe my chairs haven’t left me. They’ve simply diversified. They should put this on their resume, so that one day they may be chairmen the board.
Sorry. I promise I’ll never use a pun again.