Thursday, October 13, 2011

This Is Why Obituaries Rarely Include Puns

We gather here today, to mourn the loss of our beloved dining room chairs.  For six years they faithfully crowded before our dining table. But now I have no chairs left.  They have disappeared.  They have a new purpose in life. 

They stand in front of our buffet to prevent Toddler from opening each and every drawer like a poltergeist in pigtails.

They are used by Preschooler to construct blanket forts.  The chairs aren’t very good at this, as the blankets constantly fall down, requiring my assistance to set the fort back up again, and again, and again, until I go insane.

I use the chairs as a precarious step-stool to reach the highest shelves in our cupboards, despite the fact that we have a real step-stool in the closet. I’m like a lazy MacGyver.

And, actually, they do serve as chairs during meal-times, lest we all eat off tv trays on the sofa.

So maybe my chairs haven’t left me.  They’ve simply diversified.  They should put this on their resume, so that one day they may be chairmen the board. 

Hardy-har-har.

Sorry.  I promise I’ll never use a pun again.

8 comments:

Fox in the City said...

Hehehehe, I think you are very punny! ;)

The cushions of our couches act as fort building material, trampolines, mats designed to break falls as well as tables . . . needless to say they will all need to be replaced when the chances of the kids peeing on them are dramatically lessened!
Jenn

Joshua said...

You better keep those parnomasias coming. I like a good pun. Hell, I like a bad pun, too. See?

Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss league records were destroyed in a fire, and so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

Lizbeth said...

Yeah, we've had a fort in our formal living room for about three years running. Sigh. As long as they don't start moving around on there own then I've learned to live with it.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Jen - That is why we're holding off on buying "nice" furniture. Too many pee accidents, spills and/or breakage when the kids are this little.

@Joshua - I have Swiss ancestry, but that still hasn't improved my bowling skills.

@Lizbeth - There's only so much you can do. I'll probably miss the fort building once the kids are too old for it.

Janie Jones said...

"Chairmen of the board."
*smirks and snickers*
Good one.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Janie - thanks :)

Betty Fokker said...

I've actually told my kids my arms were broken to prevent me form having to reconstruct a freaking fort. I also told them I "heal real fast" when they see me typing.

Marianna Annadanna said...

poltergeist in pigtails!