Tuesday, October 25, 2011

I'm Probably Not Going To Add "Parenting Expert" On My Resume

This week's Monday Listicle challenge was to offer your very best parenting advice.  Now, I'm no parenting expert.  Quite the opposite, sometimes I feel like I can do nothing right.  But here are some things I've learned over the years, albeit the hard way:

1) You can trick your kids into thinking a whole-wheat Ritz cracker is actually a cookie by explaining that cookies, like Oreos, Chips Ahoy, and ... uh ... Ritz are CIRCLES.  Crackers are squares.  Or occasionally triangles. Duh.

2) One day your child will only eat an apple if it’s cut up in slices.  The next day your child will only eat an apple if it’s the whole apple.  Either way, you’ll guess wrong.

3) If your child sees a commercial for a toy, and says, “I want that!” keep in mind that this is only theoretical.  Once she actually owns the toy she will discard it after one afternoon of play.  Also, it will probably break.  All this will make you swear multiple times under your breath.

4) Despite the disappointment mentioned in number three, your purchase will be redeemed when the younger sibling plays with the toy more than the original owner.  This is because your sister’s toys are always more interesting than your own toys.

5) If you leave any sort of important paperwork on your desk, it WILL become a coloring paper.  Also, coloring with mom’s highlighters is always preferred over coloring with regular markers.

6) All pants will become accidental capris after one month of wear.

7) Cleaning poop out of a potty chair is just as gross as a poopy diaper.

8) Your child’s favorite book will be the longest one on the bookshelf by default.

9) Don’t give your child your cell phone to play with.  They will break it and/or lose it and/or delete all your contacts.  Don’t ask me how I know this.

10) Despite your best intentions, there will come a day when a fruit roll-up constitutes a real serving of fruit.

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Thanks to Stasha and Cookie's Mom for the fun prompt!


15 comments:

my honest answer said...

Love the part about apples, so true! I think potty chair cleaning is WORSE than a diaper though. Yuck.

Joshua said...

I'm a parent and I agree with this assessment.

I would also add "Long episodes of a crappy cartoon that drives you insane are reserved for when you really need to take a nap, and 45 minutes of Dora is better than being woken up after 22 minutes." Or something like that.

Also, "If you don't have chain on your doors, add one. Just in case."

Fox in the City said...

I am so with you on the apples!

You could also add, "You must be prepared for nudity when you least expect it". The other day I woke up to find my 2 yr old standing beside my bed proudly handing me his diaper. I am so happy he learned that new skill.
Jenn

bettyfokker said...

Sometimes, my children will change their minds about how they want to eat their apples WHILE they are eating their apples. They do this to break down my resistance to their domination, I just KNOW IT.

bettyfokker said...

Sometimes, my children will change their minds about how they want to eat their apples WHILE they are eating their apples. They do this to break down my resistance to their domination, I just KNOW IT.

Stasha said...

You can give advice anytime. Because these are all true in my household. And everyone knows I am an amazing parent. Because anyone who disagrees with my awesomeness is not getting anything for Xmas!

chemgirljaime said...

I love your parenting tips... I'm putting these in the my "future information" storage compartment of my brain for when I have kids.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@my honest answer - I think changing dirty diapers is worse than a potty chair but JUST BARELY.

@Joshua - I totally should've added the cartoon thing to the list.

@Fox in the city - wasn't that a nice "good morning"?!

@bettyfokker - it's all part of their evil scheme to take over the universe

@Stasha - I think I need to take my own advice sometimes and not be so hard on myself :)

@chemgirl - be careful what you wish for, most parents are more than happy to give a new or non- parents their two cents about just about any parenting topic.

Bestfoodies said...

I love posts that make me chuckle and yours certainly did, and the fact that the entire list was true even makes it funnier. Nice to meet you!

Cookie's Mom said...

Tee hee. Angela, I'd say your an expert. I think having to clean poop off a potty chair is all you need to earn that degree. Funny and very helpful list!

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Bestfoodies - nice to meet you too :)

@Cookie's Mom - I'm like a professor of cleaning poop off of potty chairs.

Marianna Annadanna said...

I love lists! There are so many great thigns on this one.

First, I don;t think number 2 counts as advice. Number 6 is a bummer and Numnber 7 is so upsetting that I can't even talk about it.

Thanks?

(PS - Sorry I missed the last few posts while on holidays. I know you don't mind, but i just had to say it :) )

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Marianna - no worries :) glad you had a fun vacation!

Peeper said...

#8 is so true in my experience!

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Peeper - I know!