You may have noticed that Valentine’s Day came and went with nary a word from me on this blog.
That’s because Husband is a Valentine's Grinch. And now, so am I.
Screw you, Hallmark!
From day one, Husband made it clear Valentine’s Day was not for him. Too commercial. Too contrived. Too unnecessary.
This used to piss me off mightily. What was wrong with gift-giving? What was wrong with setting aside one day a year to celebrate love? I wanted to feel special. Didn’t he want me to feel special?
Thus, Valentine’s Day drove a minor wedge between us. And for me, at least, it became a point of stress, anger, and disappointment. I couldn’t let go of the expectation of Valentine’s Day accolades, even when I knew he wouldn’t cooperate.
Flash-forward 10 years, and finally something clicked. I do feel special. I do feel loved. Every single day.
The funny thing is, I have nothing against Valentine’s Day. It is nice to set aside a day to show some one you love them. Lots of people use gift-giving as a way to show others that they love them, and that’s great. Sometimes people need a special gift, even if it’s just a small token, to feel loved. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that.
It’s just that, Husband and I show love differently.
Gift giving between Husband and I is kind of stressful. Did I spend too little? Too much? Will he truly appreciate it?
But the words he says, the things he does to help me out, and the time we share together every single day, outweigh any gift he could give me. We also usually do something extra-special for our Anniversary, but even that involves going somewhere extra-fun or extra-special together, as opposed to gift-giving.
And for what it’s worth, when you share a joint bank account, and check it regularly, it’s difficult NOT to learn where gifts came from and how much they cost, which sort of ruins the surprise.
Maybe things will change. Maybe someday I’ll decide again that gifts are important, as a means to show you made an effort to think about something your significant other would like and acted accordingly.
But between him and I, at least right now, ignoring Valentine’s Day makes both of us feel AWESOME.*
*Caveat: Husband, if at any time you change your mind, and feel like celebrating this, or any other holiday, with items such as flowers, chocolate, and coffee, I would welcome these efforts with open arms, and would love you even more, forever and ever, amen.
