Tuesday, November 9, 2010

PSA: Avoid Garbage Cans On Your Birthday

Birthdays haven’t always been the best of times for me.

It might have started at my 5th birthday. My birthday party was at McDonald’s, which was awesome at the time. And apparently it is still awesome. My nephew had his 5th birthday party at McDonald’s, and it was well received by all.

But back in my day, McDonald’s didn’t have the indoor playlands they do now, with all of the tubes and slides.

This is the best thing ever!!!

There were some outdoor playgrounds, but since my birthday was in November, I don’t think we played on them.

Uhhhhh...these were cool too! Yeah.

So, my birthday party was celebrated indoors. There is a photo of me playing some sort of basketball game while wearing a little paper hat. We probably ate cheeseburgers or chicken nuggets. I think there was a cake. All in all, it was a success.

Until I stuck my finger in the garbage can.

The garbage can had one of those flap doors. There was a gap between the bottom of the door, and the rest of the garbage can. It was small, but I had small hands. Would my pointer finger fit in that gap? It did! Hooray!

Victory is fleeting. I tried to pull my finger out, and it was stuck. After much wailing and gnashing of teeth and rending of garments, my poor mother freed my finger.

I was wary of birthday parties after that. But my birthdays were utterly exonerated, as I’ll explain in my next post, by birthday pie (no, not that kind you sick bastards.)