Thursday, November 3, 2011

Eau De Baby

She had so much hair, it showed up on her ultrasound, a softly moving halo around her giant alien head.  Even after she was born, her hair never fell out.  It just got thicker and longer.

I loved my first born's hair.  I loved to touch it, but more than that, I loved to smell it.  It was an intoxicating primal connection.  I probably could've identified my baby in a room full of babies based on the smell of her head alone.

As she grew, I always managed to get a good long sniff in whenever I caught her in my arms.  And then one day ... it was gone.  Though she'd always be my baby, her head lost that baby-smell.  But I almost didn't notice the transition because, at the same time, I had another baby.  A new baby with her own new baby smell.

I coveted that smell.  While feeding her, cuddling her, reading to her, I'd take liberal opportunities to breath in the soft scent of her baby hair.  For two years I reveled in it.

But yesterday .... it was gone.  She no longer smells like a baby, with that unique baby-head-smell.  She smells, well, like a little girl.  It's still a wonderful smell, I miss the baby scent.

She runs.  She jumps (sort of.)  She talks, (sort of.)  She's starting to potty-train.  She takes off her own pants and shirt and socks. The last vestiges of babyhood are gone.

I do love when my kids start the next phase in life.  It's exciting, and their own pride when they master a new skill matches my own pride in their accomplishment.

But with my youngest growing up, I do miss my littlest baby.  When you become a mother, everyone tells you to enjoy your children, they grow up too fast.

I guess I just didn't realize just how fast that was.

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Dear readers: I've been feeling a little down lately, so I'm using my blog to sort through the feelings that are bringing me down.  I'll return to my usual snark when I feel like it.  Thank you for understanding.


Fox in the City said...

I am with you about missing the baby smell. Now given the fact that they are both constantly on the move they can actually stink . . . sigh . . . one step closer to needing pit stick!

Hey girlie, this is your place to write about whatever the hell you want to write about . . . no justification needed. Write it out and let us support you.

Kelley said...

We like whatever you decide to write. :) This was beautiful about your sweet girl's baby smell that is not really there anymore. I get it. It is hard to see the phases pass by sometimes.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Fox in the city - I think I write the apologies just to justify it to myself. I need to be more forgiving of myelf.

@Kelley - I never thought I'd be one of those parents who cry when their kids grow up and grow through new phases, but I guess I am.

Nicole said...

This is a lovely post. Don't apologize for not being snarky!

I hate when people tell me to enjoy it while it lasts. I do enjoy it, what I would rather is that they hand me the keys to a time travelling Delorean so I can go back and relive the baby smells. It does go by too fast.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Nicole - I agree! I SO enjoy the time - that's why it's bittersweet as it passes by.

Anonymous said...

It is a great smell. The Boy still has it, but not so much with The Girl.

Feel better!

SarcasmInAction said...

I TOTALLY understand you on this one, momma!
My girls are no longer "my babies" and although I'm proud of them at every age and love all their stages, I miss the babies. I'll always miss the babies.
Love you.

Betty Fokker said...

Spock will be 2 in a couple of months. I will never have another baby of my very own. I am afraid of giving her a bath because I might wash the last vestiges of her baby smell. Glad to know I am not alone in my crazy.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Joshua - I need to figure out a way to bottle that smell. It'd sell for millions.

@SarcasmInAction - love you too.

@Betty - you are not alone. I think we're all crazy here.

Marianna Annadanna said...

Such a sweet expression of your baby love. I connect to smells so strongly.

It's ok to feel down and no need to be snarky if you're not in the mood. Always here to listen if you need. Love.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Marianna - thanks for your support