Why Should I Wait Until She’s 16 To Ruin My Daughter’s Life Forever?

Multitasking is essential when you are a parent. For example, we are weaning Baby off of the bottle, and ruining her life forever all at the SAME TIME. 

When Preschooler was a baby, we started introducing her to the sippy cup around 9 months.  She screamed at it.  For the next six months, we’d offer her the sippy, she’d scream at it, and hurl it to the ground.

To her credit, we did replace the milk with poison.

We didn’t know what to do.  She wouldn’t even try to use it.  Then one day, she picked up the sippy, and drank.  And that was it.

Unfortunately, she didn’t just decide one day to use the sippy.  She learned how.  From her daycare teachers.  At daycare.

I know this because about 5 or 6 months ago, I started offering Baby the sippy cup at meals. She’d stare at it.  And I realized, I have no idea what the hell I’m doing.

Baby is going on 18 months, and decided to make the bottle a comfort object, singing to it and cuddling with it before bedtime.  Crap. It was time to wean. That is, since she is home with ME all day, it was time for me to wean. 

I started by taking away the lunchtime bottle.  The first few days she screamed while I held her and comforted her as she alternated between taking a sip from the cup, screaming, and sucking on the pacifier. 

I felt like such a mean mommy, but it worked.  After a few days she grew accustomed to using the cup at lunch.

Then I attempted to take away the morning bottle.  The first few days she screamed while I held her and comforted her as she alternated between taking a sip from the cup, screaming, and sucking on the pacifier. 

But, as before, she grew to accept the cup during mornings too. This lasted a week or so, or at least long enough for me to think, "This wasn't too hard, I'm the best parent EVER!"

And it is due to that iota of arrogance, that the gods smote me. Because starting a few days ago, ANY time Baby is tired, and we offer her the cup, she reverts to screaming.  Oops, make that SCREAMING. We've gone one step forward, two steps back.  Into the Jurassic.

So, let's just tack this whole weaning thing on the ever-growing list of "Things my children will say while lying on the therapist's couch 20 years down the road," shall we?