Falling Up

Yesterday I fell down an up escalator at the mall.

Now before I explain about this escalator, you should know that I often take my kids to the playground inside the mall to burn off energy. I know, fresh air and all, but all the playgrounds in town are covered in wood chips, which Baby eats.

Unfortunately, every visit reveals what a spazzy mess I am.

We wander into the mall slightly disoriented, squinting as our eyes adjust to the bright fluorescent light. Before playtime begins, we meander to the Starbucks, where I purchase coffee.

No matter how full or empty the diaper bag is, I can never find my wallet. It has hitched a ride to the Big City, and will never be seen in this Podunk town again.

After finally locating my wallet, we head to the playground.

Toddler is always dirty. I think she manages to bet dirty while bathing. It’s just the way she rolls. Baby is always missing a sock. She leaves the house with two. She arrives at the destination with one. I think she eats them.

I’ve managed to make myself nominally accepted to be viewing public, but have unfortunately messy hair. No matter what I do with it, it always look like I rode in on a tornado.

Now regarding this escalator.

I was holding Baby and the stroller and my diaper bag. Toddler was holding my hand. Three-quarters of the way up, my pant leg snagged on something (probably the stroller). I shook it loose and fell backwards.

The stroller and Baby fell on top of me. Toddler rode the escalator to the top, and I was aided by some patrons and employees who pressed the emergency stop for the escalator, and called 911. A ride in the ambulance is not as fun as it looks.

All I could think of as I was falling was protecting Baby, who came out of the situation with nothing more than a scratch.

I did not fair so well. Lots of scrapes, bumps, and bruises. A stress fractures on my hip and and another on my tailbone. Mr. Hydrocodone and Ms. Naproxen are my friends. It could’ve been so much worse.

Lesson learned: DO NOT TRY TO DO TOO MUCH AT ONE TIME. ALWAYS ERR ON THE SIDE OF SAFETY.

Also, it’s a good thing I’m moving soon. I don’t think I can ever show my face at Elder-Beerman again.