Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Interlude In The Motherland

For the first time in over six years, I will be living in the state I was born and raised, a state I never expected to live in again. Although my profession is pretty flexible, there are very limited job opportunities in Husband’s field of expertise in our home state. Ultimately, we determined that once he graduated, we’d live wherever he’d find the best job.

After college, husband (then fiancee) and I moved to the state-next-door to attend grad school and law school, respectively. It was a “whopping” six hour drive from my hometown. My family was devastated. I might have well have moved to the moon.

After two and a half years, we were abruptly relocated to another state, now a whopping eight hour drive from my hometown and two day drive from my husband’s hometown. This was like ripping a band aid off a fresh wound; me reassuring my family and myself this was the right thing to do.

In the end, my family got used to the distance, and I did too. It was good for me.

No one in my family is shy about voicing an opinion. Always ├╝ber-sensitive and eager to please, and as the baby of the family, I constantly felt under the thumb of the opinions of those I loved.

The physical distance, as well as a healthy dose of therapy on my part, changed this. I now know that my family never meant to judge, never thought any less of me, loved me any less, when I bucked their opinions.

Now that Husband’s schooling is done, we find ourselves in the position where an opportunity has come his way that would be a boon to his career and happens to be in our home state. It is a temporary position, two years tops.

So, in two weeks we will be packing up our belongings and hauling them back to the Motherland.

I am thrilled that I’ll be closer to my family, that my children will finally have ample opportunity to interact with their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. I’m thrilled to be able to see old friends again.

And I hope that now that I have to ability to love myself more and have more confidence in my life choices, that when others voice their opinions, out of love and concern for me, I’ll have the confidence to believe “That is what you may think. But this is what’s right for me,” instead of feeling that I’m just not good enough for them, a false and hurtful belief to all involved.