Thursday, September 9, 2010

Why Computers Hate Neglectful Users And Punish Them Harshly For Their Transgressions

Whenever there are new updates to some software on my computer I get a handy little message informing me of said updates. Something along the lines of WE’VE FIXED SOME BUGS! and created new ones OUR NEWEST UPDATE WILL BLOW YOUR MIND WITH ITS AWESOME NEW GRAPHICS AND LAYOUTS! that you won’t like WOULD YOU LIKE TO DOWNLOAD iSOFTWARE 10.9.08.423897243pancake234908 NOW?

Below there are three buttons. One says “Update Now And Your Computer Will Love You Forever.” Another says “Update Later You Malignant Demon From The Seventh Circle Of Hell.” The last says “Cancel, Sadly I Have No Purpose As There Is Already An Update Later Option That Makes This Window Go Away.”

They shouldn’t offer an “Update Later” option. It only gives me an opportunity to hone my skills as a level 10 master procrastinator.

Months go by and after seeing the update message approximately one hundred times, I start thinking, “Maybe I should update my software.” Then I promptly open Firefox and read updates to my 184 favorite blogs.

Four months later I finally get around to clicking the “Update Now” button. In fact, my computer is so helpful as to ask if I want to install all updates for my various i[Software Name Here] programs. Heck yeah I do! Kill 48 birds with one stone. The updates run for a few moments and then with a cheerful “ding!” I’m informed the updates are done, and all I need to do is restart my computer to experience the glory that is iSoftware 10.9.08.423897243pancake234908. All is right with the world.

I restart my computer and open iSoftware with anticipatory glee. Except instead of seeing the bold new interface and earth-shattering features of a properly updated iSoftware, I receive a curt message, “iSoftware is corrupted. Please reinstall.” I open the remaining 47 i[Software Name Here] programs on my computer only to receive the same admonishment.

Now I am forced to pay the penance for my neglect.

I must go to the iSoftware website, download the updated version, restart my computer, locate the update in my Applications folder, unzip the update, and finally install the update. I must repeat this process 47 more times, once for each corrupted program, to cleanse myself of my sins.

And that’s why I haven’t blogged in a week.

2 comments:

Nezzy said...

Morn' sweetie. This Ozark farm chick is respondin' to your comment over at Pioneer Woman homeschool post.

I am a grandmother of eight, four are homeschooled. Let me tell ya in the beginning I was quite skeptical when sweet DIL told me that she was gonna teach her children at home, for goodness sake I was a teacher in the Public School system.

Let me tell ya she took the bull by the horns and began. She made a believer out of me. The children are intelligent and their abilities far surpass my expectations. They are polite and very social. I can tell you my fears were erased seein' how these young'ens thrived.

God bless ya from the happy hills and hollers of the Missouri Ponderosa!!!

Angela said...

Thanks for your comment! My husband and I are still exploring all our options, as my kiddos are only 2 1/2 and 1, but it sure helps to know how well this has worked for others!