Preschooler was an early talker. I was so proud.
Now it has come to bite me in the ass. I feel like I've been sprung with a pop-quiz.
Question 1: You attempt to telepathically channel the Cheerful Fairy, and give Preschooler her bedtime snack.
You: Let’s go get your snack!
Preschooler: Ok,ok, I’m coming.
Preschooler stares at the snack cupboard for several minutes.
You: Ok, I’ll count down from 10, then choose your snack. 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1. Ok, what do you want for a snack?
Preschooler: Just a min-ute.
What do you do?
A) Tell the child, “Either choose now, or no snack.”
B) Choose the snack for the child.
C) Close the pantry door, explaining that the child had a chance for a snack, but didn’t choose, so she must not be hungry.
D) Nothing. Your head exploded due to the sheer force of unanticipated sass emanating from your once polite Preschooler’s mouth.
The answer is probably not D. Oops.
Question 2: Your Preschooler is honing her new role as a master tattle-tale. For example:
Preschooler: Mom! Toddler is touching that toy!
You: It’s ok hon, it’s HER toy.
Preschooler: But she’s touching it!
What do you do?
A) Explain, “It’s not nice to tattle.”
B) Remind, “We’re the boss of Toddler, not you.”
C) Blink several times. So what???!!?!
Uh-oh. I don’t think C is necessarily productive.
In my defense, I never gave Preschooler permission to learn how to sass. Fortunately, these scenarios will replay themselves approximately 64,453 more times. So I have plenty of opportunities for a re-do.
I'll study harder next time, I promise.