Tuesday, April 26, 2011

I Won't Rest Until I've Bronzed SOME ONE'S Crazy Mutant Teeth.

Husband: Let’s save the kids’ baby teeth when they fall out, put them in a false jaw, and then bronze it.  Creepy?

Me: No.  BRILLIANT.

*    *    *

Me (trying to force a toothbrush in Toddler’s mouth):  Toddler!  Time to brush your teeth!

Toddler (mouth clamped shut):  MMMMNNNNNMMMNNN!

Me (starting to panic):  Please open up!  We haven’t successfully brushed your teeth in days!!

Toddler: shakes head back and forth.

Me: manages to brush Toddler’s EYEBALL.

The optometrist will be so proud.

*    *    *

Me: I haven’t been to the dentist in five years.

My Brain: ?!?.   Angela! You’re supposed to go every six months!

Me: What? I brush and floss.

My Brain:  You’re going to spend another year NOT going to the dentist, aren’t you?

Me: Probably.  I think I’ll wait until my teeth turn mutant, especially if other teeth start growing out of my regular teeth.  It’ll be more interesting for every one involved.  I don’t want to bore the dentist.

My Brain: SIGH.

9 comments:

Handflapper said...

Hm. Now that you mention it, I honestly can't remember the last time I went to the dentist.

And fyi, you're obviously doing the whole toddler-teeth-brushing thing WRONG. Pinch that little sucker's nostrils closed and it can't help but open its mouth.

You're welcome.

Rhiannon said...

Now THAT is a tip I wished I had known 3 kids ago... pinching the nose to open the mouth... brilliant :)

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@ Handflapper and Rhiannon: I was going about this tooth-brushing thing all wrong!!

Betty Fokker said...

To make my kids happy I surprised them with electric toothbrushes ... which terrified them. Motherhood fail.

Marianna Annadanna said...

FACT: Hubby always had very healthy teeth. Brushed and flossed constantly. And YET, when he finally went to the dentist for the first time in four years he had seven - count'em - SEVEN cavities. Don't tell him I told you that.

PS: "EYEBALL" - lol
PPS: Handflapper, you are an effing GENIUS

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Betty Fokker: Toddler does love the vacuum...maybe she'd dig an electric toothbrush.

@Marianna: I personally think cavities have nothing to do with how often you brush and floss, and everything to do with how many goats you sacrifice to the plaque gods. What's your husband's track record on that?

Mom said...

Hi Ang, PLEASE go to the dentist. I will babysit. Much love, your Mother.

Emily said...

I loved this post! I think I've brushed all over my kid's face as he's resisted my attempts at good oral hygiene in his mouth! The pinching the nose idea is so funny. I'll have to try that. I'm sure he'll hate it, but then he may realize that just opening his mouth isn't that bad! I've also found helpful tips on this Mom's Guide to Caring for Little Teeth, if you want to check it out. Copy and paste: http://www.1dental.com/moms-guide/

Lindsay Schultz @sayschu said...

My son likes to brush MY teeth, so at least something is getting brushed, right?