Friday, May 20, 2011

UPDATE: This Is Why Doing Things Is Not In My Best Interest. PART TWO.

.... So Angela, just HOW did you break your toe?  Here it goes.

We arrived home from that disastrous trip to the zoo.  Preschooler was placated by the promise of eating popsicles outside and playing in the front yard of our condo (remember mistake #3)?  Again, I shouldn’t have promised anything.  I shouldn’t rely on my ability to DO THINGS.

We walk inside our house only to find ... maintenance workers cleaning our gutters.  Not cleaning the neighbor’s gutters.  Not a note that they will cleaning our gutters tomorrow.  No.  Their ladder is parked outside my kitchen window, all our things are moved off of the patio and onto the lawn, and they are using my patio table to store their tools.

We can’t play outside.

After bombarding Preschooler with more popsicles and lollipops AND finger-paint, I convey the whole story to my sister, who wisely says:

"Please stay home and do nothing but watch tv with your babies... ok?"

But do I listen to her? No. Because I am committed to DOING THINGS, and figure that if I’m stuck inside I might as well clean my filthy house.

This shall be known as mistake number four.

So, I wash my dishes.  I clean my kitchen.  I dust my living room.  I stub my toe on a chair.  My toe turns purple and swells up.

"GAH! That hurt! Oh crap! Jesus Christ!"

One hour later... "Damnit! It hurts even more! What the hell?"

Another hour later.... "Ok, I am in serious pain.  This involves tears.  The last time I was in pain that caused tears, I was giving birth.  Crap!  I'm going to urgent care."

Honest to God, on a scale of one to ten, where one equals "I feel happy!" and ten equals "OMG I'm in labor GET ME AN EPIDURAL RIGHT NOW. WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M TOO FAR ALONG FOR AN EPIDURAL? GAAAAAAAAAH!" this pain was about a seven.  Please consult this expert pain chart (created by Allie Brosh at Hyperbole and a Half) for a more detailed explanation.

So I head off to urgent care only to find out I broke my toe. But I didn’t just break my toe.  I chipped it.  Now their is a piece of bone fragment floating around in the middle toe on my right foot.

Again, I must ask:

Middle toe on my right foot means I have to hobble around on my heel, and now my heel hurts.

Middle toe on my right foot means I can’t drive, because I can’t put pressure on that foot.

Middle toe on my right foot means I need to be baby-sat, because the vicodin I take for the pain makes me loopy and exhausted, and oh yeah, I can’t walk.


Update:  Seeing as I broke my toe on Tuesday, and it is now Friday, I was tired of going stir-crazy and decided to go for a walk with my girls.  Don't judge - I was barely limping at all.  Actually, judge.  Because naturally Toddler bolted for the street, and I had to run after her.  Now I'm in serious pain again.  Apparently not only am I bad at DOING THINGS, I'm also bad at NOT DOING THINGS.


Fox in the City said...

That is one shitty day!

Hopefully your toe will heal quickly so you can get back to never doing things again . . . without the pain of a broken toe.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Fox in the City - Well I broke it on Tuesday, and by today I'm able to get around, albeit with a bit of a limp. So it's getting better!

Exurban Cowgirl said...

poor girl! sometimes stuff just seems so damn hard, doesn't it? please don't stop doing things tho. the universe is just throwing up a few hurdles right now...

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Exurban Cowgirl - in retrospect, the universe is probably just practicing for the upcoming rapture.

Marianna Annadanna said...

I'm sorry about your toe! But I'm glad about the Vicodin. What a shitty day. Get some rest and let your babysitter do all the work.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Marianna - Thanks! I ditched the vicodin as it was making me super-nauseous. So now I'm taking plain old ibuprofen instead.

Handflapper said...

Oh, god, now I'm thinking about my baby toe on my right foot that I've broken TWICE and I'm getting nauseous. Thanks.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Handflapper - here's to hoping breaking toes isn't contagious.

Anonymous said...

Well, if you are going to be loopy anyway, why don't you try heroin? I heard it's great for broken toes. (LOL for any DEA agents reading this)

Cake Betch said...

Oooouch. I have broken both of my little pinkie toes. Now they're all curled under and fugly looking. Stay the hell off it so it doesn't look fugly and weird like mine!

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Cake Betch - my toes are already fugly looking due to years of ballet abuse. Also, I haven't gotten any sort of pedicure in MONTHS (hey - it was winter and I had socks on). So now I get to show off my ugly unpainted feet in birkenstocks. Pair it with a flannel shirt and it'll be like 1993 all over again.