Tuesday, May 3, 2011

When Irregular Evacuation Has Nothing To Do With A Failed Fire Drill, And Everything To Do With Medical Quacks

Here’s the deal.  There’s a limit to what the average consumer feels comfortable buying, “As Seen On TV.”

Ginsu Knives:  Sure, why not?


Oxi-Clean: Can’t hurt.






 COLON FLOW:  Sounds good....wait, WHAT?

Yes, just when I thought I had nothing to blog about, this little gem appeared in the middle of my late-night tv viewing.

It’s like it was MADE for me .... to blog about.

Now, I’ll say from the outset that unhappy colons tend to run in the family, and I’m a big fan of anything labeled “Whole-Grain” or “Extra-Fiber.”  And water.  Water cures many an ailment.  And exercise.  I know, it’s crazy business.

But now?  Instead of all that healthy claptrap , I can just take a few capsules of Colon Flow!

Thanks to this, I can start chowing down on Wonder Bread dipped in milkshakes, 
with nary a thought towards my colon!

As I’ve noticed before, these “As Seen On TV” products often have more than one website.  Colon Flow is no exception.

As far as I can tell, this website http://www.colonflow.com/index.cfm, is purely informational.  As in, it will inform you that all that “fuzzy-thinking” you’ve been experiencing is probably due to irregular evacuation.



 And here I thought it was the booze....

This site also contains a handy Frequently Asked Questions page, where you can confirm that your order will show up on your credit card statement as: COLON FLOW.  You know, to avoid any confusion.  And to promote maximum shame.

You can even order a “free” 30-day trial of Colon Flow.  But, if you don’t need a 30 day trial of Colon Flow to know Colon Flow is right for you, you can go to a second site, http://www.calcompnutrition.com/colon-flow.html, to actually BUY Colon Flow.

This site also attempts to answer some FAQs about Colon Flow, and even provides you with a poorly-formatted page detailing the ingredients of Colon Flow. 


Science!

But I don’t need to read anything about the ingredients to know this:  If 3 smiling doctors and a buy 2 get 1 free offer are wrong, I don’t want to be right.

Trust us, we're models!

10 comments:

bettyfokker said...

ACK! It ate my post!!

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Betty Fokker - That's the second time this has happened to you, right? I'm sorry!

Handflapper said...

This product has also caught my eye, but I worry about the "flow" part. The only other thing I'm familiar with flowing from my body is. . . well, you know. I don't think I can handle shit oozing uncontrollably out of me as well.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Handflapper - I'm just saying, you should never pay to have the words "colon" and "flow" join next to each other in your life.

Leauxra said...

For some reason this reminds me of the SNL skit about "Colon Blow". But yeah, I am pretty sure that taking this product would lead to some unfortunate accidents.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Leauxra - I totally thought of Colon Blow, too!

Dana said...

It seems though that an all-white yoga ensemble might not be the best choice for someone who's expecting a colon vacuation. Just sayin'

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Dana - Good point.

Brooke Farmer said...

The fuzzy thinking is the booze.

I wouldn't want an as seen on tv anything getting near my colon.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Brooke Farmer - Exactly! Colon health should not be in the same sentence as a 2 for the price of 1 deal.