Thursday, January 13, 2011

I’m No Cleaning Guru. But At Least I Know Better Than To Drink A Mopped-Up Soda

It’s been a long day.  I’ve been puked on, pooped on, yelled at, and then I stepped on a piece of cold, slimy, banana in my bare feet.

Which reminded me, either our carpet was made out of crushed Froot Loops, or I needed to clean.

I vacuumed, but then my children ate more Froot Loops.  I pretended not to see anything.

I also needed to mop.  I don’t have a mop.  We had one of those old-fashioned wring mops at some point in our lives, but it left us.

Screw this!
I’ve tried the Swiffer mop before, but the sprayers always miss the floor and I end up expending way too much energy trying to scrub stains out. I'm aware that I am the only person in the universe that has this problem.

You’re doing it wrong.

I like the old-fashioned wring-mops, but we don’t have a bucket either.  And I'm not buying a mop AND a bucket.  Not in this economy.

Then there was ... the Smart Mop.  

BEHOLD!!


Look, it’s made out of dead ShamWows! 

You can use it as an umbrella!

It picks up ketchup AND dog hair AT THE SAME TIME!

But then....


You can use the Smart Mop to wipe up a spilled soda, wring it out into an empty glass, and DRINK THE SODA.

I like soda.  Coke Zero and I go WAY back.  As a teenager, I used Sprite to hydrate after excersise, like some some sort of derranged butterfly who was also a lousy tennis player.

But I don’t think I should be drinking soda through a mop.  Or mop my floor with soda.  Or something.

I guess I'll have to buy that bucket after all.

Edited to add: I do not promote the Smart Mop, nor do I work for the Smart Mop people. I'm pretty sure the folks at Smart Mop don't know me.  If they did, that would be kind of creepy.  In any case, I think their product sends the wrong message to this nation's impressionable youth.  I shall write my local Congressman. 

This just in: Husband just informed me that in the infomercial they claim "If you've got wood, you'll love this!" Awesome.

4 comments:

Marianna Annadanna said...

Hi Angela. I randomly clicked on your link (from the Bloggess) and I think this is really funny! Dead shamwows - hilarious. Wait. Should I be saying death is hilarious?

I'm wondering, are you actually promoting this product? I don't usually trust infomercials, as a rule, but this one is convincing. Do you think it's legit?

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

Thanks for the comment!

I personally am not endorsing the smart mop. I'm just retarded about mops, and can only use either the ones that actually look like mops, or those spongy ones.

As far as the legitimacy of the infomercial, Husband and I saw it on tv, and it was so stupid how could I NOT blog about it?

Marianna Annadanna said...

I hear you. I, too, am retarded about mops. All cleaning-related gadgets in general, actually. In fact, I recently had a run in with my vacuum and cracked my rib. True story.

But don't you think the SmartMop infomercial is more convincing than others? This one, for example, muct be a joke: http://www.youtube.com/user/MariannaAnnadanna?feature=mhum#p/a/f/0/CO5vkDOawc8

Angela Pelnar Wherritt said...

Those snaps look like the things we put in the kids' sippy cups to stop spills. But I'm short, so I'll probably have to order a million of these. If they exist. Which they probably don't. Or at least, they shouldn't.