Thursday, January 20, 2011

Why Does My Food Keep Talking To Me?

Why does my food keep talking to me?

First it was Dove Promises sending out inspirational messages.  I understand that. I’m often inspired by chocolate.  Inspired to eat more chocolate.

Surround myself with loved ones?  You mean more chocolate?
Thanks, Dove!

But today I opened a new  carton of sour cream, and the foil seal was inscribed with the message, “The most precious thing one can make is a friend.”

Can I be your friend?

How does my sour cream know I need more friends?  Is it that obvious?

Maybe my food doesn’t want me to be depressed.  But that doesn’t make sense; when I’m depressed, I eat more.  You’d think this would be a good thing for the food (unless maybe it’s displaying an act of self-preservation.)

So, since I always want to be on the cutting edge, I came up with my OWN inspirational messages to common foods*:

You can be the wind beneath any one’s wings.

Be happy.  No exceptions. Ever.

Infiltrating yourself into every aspect society of  NOT make you a whore.

See? Advertising is easy.** Someone should pay me for this.

But then again, I think someone should pay me for everything I do.

*My jokes are lame. I won't be offended if you don't get the joke.  Because it's lame.

**Note: I actually think REAL Advertising is probably damn difficult.  Otherwise, why would they hire some of my smarty-pants friends to work for them?


dtgillette said...

I HAD to read this post to made me laugh so hard out loud. Tony said, "she is so adorable." We both love you!!!