Sunday, June 5, 2011

Doogie Meowser: Cat M.D.

Over the long Memorial Day weekend, I threw an awesome cookout.  Any party that starts with beer and ends with scotch is a good party.  There was booze, food, and the crowning finish: a cat on a rope.

Wait, what?

Around six or seven in the evening, the next-door neighbors put a cat outside.  It was the world’s fattest cat, and in hopes of fighting the inevitable descent into cat diabetes, they tied the cat to a stake in the front yard.  Periodically, they’d move the stake to another place in the yard.  It was the logical thing to do.

I’d never seen that cat before.  It certainly wasn’t the cat that crashed my house a few days after we moved in.  I was unpacking some boxes in the basement, when I felt something scurry past my leg.  Thinking it was some kind of rodent, I shrieked and ran upstairs, only to find a large orange tabby cat reclining on my sofa.  The cat had a collar, but no tags, so I just put it outside thinking it would go home.  Instead it spent the next six hours meowing on my porch.

My brother-in-law suggested keeping the cat and naming it “Doogie Meowser.”  Unfortunately, the cat left before I could get it to respond to its new name.

Still, if I ever got a cat, I’m totally taking my brother-in-law up on that Doogie Meowser suggestion.  With a name like that, the cat would be OBLIGATED to become the world’s first and youngest cat doctor, and I’ll be able to retire early and mooch off my cat’s millions.  That is, until the cat throws me in the old-folks home.  But that won’t happen for years.


Marianna Annadanna said...

Why don't you have cat yet? Besides teh fact that cats are awesome, if you don't get one soon I'm gonna steal your cat name.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Marianna - I contemplate getting a cat, but I already deal with a poopy diaper AND a poopy potty-chair several times a day. I don't want to clean a litter box on top of all that.

dbs said...

Scotch at the end of the party is way better than having a cat.

Handflapper said...

A cat tied up? I never heard of such. Those people need to be reported.

I have had several experiences of random cats deciding to take up residence with me. Cats do what they want. They're kind of assholes that way.

Doogie Meowser is an awesome cat name. Very like The Bloggess's Ferris Mewler.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@dbs - agreed

@handflapper - I'll contact social services post-haste.

Julie said...

Excellent name, however, you'd be better of naming the cat sonofabitch, cause that's what you'll call it when it vomits in your shoes or craps in your bed WHILE you're sleeping in it.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Julie - y'all aren't really selling me on this whole cat thing.

Julia said...

Cats are too lazy to make you would end up in "Shady" pines... that is where I am going so ..maybe Ill see you there.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Julia - see you there!