- If you are as pasty-white as I am, go ahead and use that extra-powerful SPF5 sunscreen. Red is a good color on you.
- Everyone looks good in a thong. Even your grandparents. ESPECIALLY your grandparents.
- When you go to the beach, don’t worry about the rain. Just bring an extra-big beach umbrella. If the rain turns into a lightning storm, go ahead and plant that giant umbrella under a tree. You’ll be sure to stay dry.
- Bottle rockets are always a good idea.
- Alcohol + bottle rockets is a BETTER idea.
- Wear flip-flops to work. The sound of your shoes flapping on the floor as you travel to the mail room will only demonstrate how proactive you are.
- Home-made potato salad tastes extra-delicious if you leave it in the sun for a few hours. Your guests will thank you.
- Hold your next family reunion at a nude beach. First case scenario, no one shows up out of sheer embarrassment. Second case scenario, people drink a ton of beer in hopes of erasing the memory of this event, or at least going blind. Either way, you win.
- There’s no shame in wearing socks with sandals.
- Crap! You mean I have to think of one more thing? I can’t work under all this pressure. You’ll take your nine pieces of advice, and you’ll like them.
I’m all outta ideas.
Yes, I know I actually wrote a list of summer Do’s. I’m a rebel that way.