Saturday, June 11, 2011

Introducing Sapphire VelvetCheeks

My parents named me after the Rolling Stone's "Angie," but they never meant to call me anything other than "Angela." Being the rebel that I am, I wouldn't  meekly stand by and let my parents decide what to name me.


"Angela" was a popular name in the late 70's and early 80's.  Heck, I was one of three Angela's in my class at school, and in my dance troupe there was as many as four other Angela's at any given time.

So, when taking roll at the first day of Kindergarten, the teacher came to my name and sad, "Angela? Hmmmm...... do you like to be called "Angela" or "Angie?"

You mean I get a choice?  Well!


I never really explained how this came about to my parents, who for twenty years wondered why the hell every one was calling their daughter, "Angie."

In naming my own children, I took pains to try to name them something unique enough that they wouldn't have to go through the, "Which Angela are you?  Angela M., Angela B., or Angela T.?" rigamarole I went through.

So far, I've been successful.  But if either of my girls truly want, they can change their names when they get older.* I probably won't announce this to them though, lest I become the proud mother of "Cherry SweetLips" and "Destiny SparkleJugs" or some other name inspired by the ladies at the local gentleman's club.

Keep them out of prison and off the pole, that's my motto.

*For the record, I don't hate my name and wouldn't change it.  Well, I did change it when I got married.  But being the crazy feminist I am, I seriously considered NOT changing it.  So I kept my first name, changed my middle name to my maiden name, and took my husband's last name for my own.  It's more confusing that way.**

**For those who know me in real life, please refrain from using my middle and last name in the comments.  Instead, you may refer to me by my stripper name: Sapphire VelvetCheeks.  I suggest you do the same.


Suitcase said...

Good post Sapphire. But do we get to shorten it to "Sappy"?

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Suitcase - Sappy? I LOVE it!

Marianna Annadanna said...

I feel we're all friendly now, and I'm always tempted to call you Ang. Do you hate "Ang"?

I know I HATE - with a firey burning passion - "Mar". More than anything.

My friends call me MJ - short for Mary Jane, which means marijuana, which my name sorta sounds like.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Marianna - Everybody calls me Ang, no worries there!

Anonymous said...

If I had a son, I was planning on naming him Humphrey Fokker.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@bettyfokker - you're son would've appreciated that a lot, I bet :)

Stasha said...

Naming someone is a major pain. My son will bring his name up in therapy, for sure. Lucky for me, husband chose it. I cannot come up with a cool stripper name for myself. So sad. But I like Sappy.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Stasha - I can specialize in Sappy's Lappy Dance. Sorry, Mom.

Nicole said...

I really want SparkleJugs. Can I borrow that? Maybe Flopsy SparkleJugs, the breastfeeder turned stripper.

I would have been more likely to go out on a limb than the Hubster when it came time to pick names for the kids. As it turns out, we're kinda mainstream and boring. said...

It seems unfair that women get the cool stripper names when guy strippers just get Steve or Don. If they're lucky, they may get "Bitchin" for a last name. Don Bitchin would be my name of choice. Problem is that I'd need to grow a 70s porn moustach to really pull it off right. Not likely to happen any time soon.

We picked Nathan For our son mostly because there's no nasty words that middle school bullies can rhyme with it. Quite practical, I think.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Nicole - of course you can use Destiny SparkleJugs! That way when my daughter wants to go by that alias I can say, "Too bad, TAKEN!!!"

@Eric - I agree, women definitely get the better deal when it comes to stripper names. And choosing a name that has no icky rhymes is VERY important. I'm always reminded of Homer on The Simpsons "Bart? Hmmmm... Cart, Dart, Eart, Gart... Nope! No problem here!"