I’m not a morning person.
It didn’t use to be this way. As a child I regularly bounded up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed hours before the rest of my family. There was something very delicious when you’re eight about having the house all to yourself in the quiet dawn of the morning for an hour or two.
Generally I’d use this time to eat several bowls of Cookie Crisp and play video games. PRIORITIES PEOPLE.
It wasn’t always fun and games. It also meant that I was the first child awake at every sleepover, garnering myself some quality time with the host’s mother over what was probably a very awkward cup of tea.
By the time I was a teenager, I settled into my current sleep habits. I am neither a morning person, nor a night person.
It takes me two hours to get with it in the morning. Not get ready; if need be I can shower, dress, and leave the house in 15 minutes, albeit with wet hair.
But it’s no use trying to talk to me, or expect me to talk to you, or expect me to do anything other than look in your direction and maybe grunt for one or two hours after I wake up. More if there is no coffee to be found. My brain just does not register any outside stimulus until about 8:00 am.
But, karma has delivered my comeuppance in the form of two small girls who are very much morning people.
For quite a few months one or both of them would regularly awaken around 6:00 in the morning, ready for some quality cheerios-and-television time.
And as spring waxes with earlier and earlier dawns, my children wake up earlier and earlier.
No problem, I thought. Blackout curtains! If it stays dark in their room longer, they’ll sleep longer. Up went the blackout curtains.
The next morning my kids were up at 5:30. The blackout curtains didn’t work. My kids are reverse-vampires.
On the plus side, they probably won’t be able to see their reflection in the mirror or cross a running stream. This will come in handy in 15 years, when I won’t have to fight any teenagers for the bathroom in the morning.
On the other hand, they’ll probably sparkle ala the vampires in Twilight, giving credence to their aforementioned stripper names.