Monday, June 13, 2011

My Kids Are Reverse Vampires

I’m not a morning person.

It didn’t use to be this way.  As a child I regularly bounded up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed hours before the rest of my family.  There was something very delicious when you’re eight about having the house all to yourself in the quiet dawn of the morning for an hour or two.

Generally I’d use this time to eat several bowls of Cookie Crisp and play video games.  PRIORITIES PEOPLE.

It wasn’t always fun and games.  It also meant that I was the first child awake at every sleepover, garnering myself some quality time with the host’s mother over what was probably a very awkward cup of tea.

By the time I was a teenager, I settled into my current sleep habits. I am neither a morning person, nor a night person.

It takes me two hours to get with it in the morning.  Not get ready; if need be I can shower, dress, and leave the house in 15 minutes, albeit with wet hair. 

But it’s no use trying to talk to me, or expect me to talk to you, or expect me to do anything other than look in your direction and maybe grunt for one or two hours after I wake up.  More if there is no coffee to be found.  My brain just does not register any outside stimulus until about 8:00 am.

But, karma has delivered my comeuppance in the form of two small girls who are very much morning people.

For quite a few months one or both of them would regularly awaken around 6:00 in the morning, ready for some quality cheerios-and-television time.

And as spring waxes with earlier and earlier dawns, my children wake up earlier and earlier.

No problem, I thought.  Blackout curtains!  If it stays dark in their room longer, they’ll sleep longer.  Up went the blackout curtains.

The next morning my kids were up at 5:30.  The blackout curtains didn’t work.  My kids are reverse-vampires.

On the plus side, they probably won’t be able to see their reflection in the mirror or cross a running stream.  This will come in handy in 15 years, when I won’t have to fight any teenagers for the bathroom in the morning.

On the other hand, they’ll probably sparkle ala the vampires in Twilight, giving credence to their aforementioned stripper names.

I’m doomed.


Fox in the City said...

Before kids, I was a morning person. I would get up and hit the gym for a 5:45 am class.

Now, I am totally exhausted from the not sleeping through the night for almost 4 years thing and mornings such. Tell that to my kids you arise between 4:30 and 6:00 each and every day.

What can I say, I unashamedly lie on the couch while they are entertained by the TV until it is time for me to get ready for the day.

I can't wait until they are teens and I wake them up for the day between 4:30 and 6:00 am . . . the joy it will bring me is what gets me through some of these mornings.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Fox in the City - The thing that shocked me most upon becoming a mother was the lack of sleep. But you're right about the teenager thing. Revenge will be mine!

Anonymous said...

You know what I love the most? When my daughters pry my eyelids open in the morning to "see if I'm awake". Yes, that is exactly how I want to start my morning.

*slips in a puddle of dripped sarcasm*

SarcasmInAction said...

I'm not a morning person either, so thankfully my 7 year old sleeps like a college student (til after 10) and I've finally trained my toddler to sleep til after 8 now that we're on summer break. Score!

Breann said...

I am NOT a morning person. I breathe fire and doom until I have had a shower and coffee.
Enter a baby.. who is awake by 7 no matter what day or what time he went to bed.
Thank goodness for coffee.

Marianna Annadanna said...

I thought you were going to say your kids spit blood at people. To me, that is a reverse vampire. This is nothing by comparison.

Mom (in-law) said...

Probably doesn't help that your husband also was a very early riser as a child - and woke up with way too much energy, which he still seemed to have when it was bedtime.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@bettyfokker - that sounds like the worst wake-up call ever :)

@SarcasamInAction - I think your children need to teach my children the meaning of the word sleep.

@Breann - Coffee is the only thing that keeps me going. I consider it a 24-7 beverage.

@Marianna - If I have to choose between reverse-vampires that awaken at dawn, or blood-spitting reverse-vampires, I'd almost choose the blood-spitting ones. Almost.

@Mom-in-law - You right. We were doomed from the get-go.

Stasha said...

Indeed you are doomed. On the bright side.. There is no bright side.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Stasha - When it comes to parenting, I'd rather hear from a realist than an optimist!

Róisín said...

I honestly thought I was following your blog... turns out I wasn't! Sorry about that, I probably missed out on loads because of it. Anyway! Great post, I don't have kids myself but I always hear my friends who do complaining of exactly this. I was the same as you when I was younger, always up at six or seven for the morning cartoons. I could never figure out why my parents would moan for me to go back to bed!

Handflapper said...

I remember when I was younger thinking that when I was grown up like my mom then I would be able to wake up early and not have to take naps. Now I have come to the realization that my mother may not be human.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

@Roisin - Fear not, there are THOUSANDS of people all around me every day who do not follow my blog :)

@Handflapper - Up early AND no nap?! That sounds like some sort of super-power. I want some.