It’s come to my attention that my blog posts have been infrequent as of late. This is because I am doing fewer stupid things.
I haven’t lost my van or broken my toe. I haven’t fallen down an up escalator. I haven’t picked up and discarded any new hobbies. I haven’t had any kitchen mishaps or baking failures. In fact, I successfully baked several types of Christmas cookies this year. Take that, former me!
In contrast, here is an average day in my life...
6:00 Alarm clock goes off. I yell at it, turn it off, and go back to sleep
6:05 My kids wake up. Who needs an alarm clock?
6:10 Drink three cups of coffee. Now I’m able to see again.
7:30 Skip taking a shower. I’m not leaving the house today. You’re lucky I got dressed.
8:00 Toddler sits on the potty, albeit with her pants still on. I make a big fat deal about it anyways.
8:30 Clean kitchen. For every one dish I put in the dishwasher, Toddler takes two out.
9:00 Read Toddler and Preschooler the world’s dumbest Disney princess book. Three times. They cry for more, more, MORE. I go slightly insane.
9:30 Clean toy room. For every one toy I put away, Toddler takes two out. I’m sensing a pattern here.
10:00 Tell Toddler, “It’s time to sit on the potty!” Toddler pitches a fit. I just love potty training.
10:30 Get a bloody nose. Stupid sinus infection.
11:00 Serve ravioli for lunch. Preschooler complains she doesn’t like it, but cleans her plate anyways. Hypocrite.
11:15 Toddler decides to eat ravioli using her face.
11:25 Impromptu bath. Preschooler cries because I filled the tub with too much water. I drain some water. Toddler cries because there is not enough water. Go more insane.
11:35 Get Toddler out of the bath. Realize I forgot to bring a clean diaper upstairs. Leave a dripping wet Toddler upstairs while I rush to get a diaper. MOTHER OF THE YEAR.
11:40 Get another nosebleed. Clearly I’ve developed nose cancer.
1:00 Finally get around to taking that shower while the kids nap. The sound of the shower wakes them up. Dammit!
2:00 Give Preschooler some grapes.
2:15 Give Preschooler some crackers
2:30 Give Preschooler some cheese. That hollow leg of hers must be full by now.
3:00 Set Preschooler and Toddler up with an art project involving glue and sequins.
3:10 Vacuum approximately 19,403 sequins off of the floor.
3:15 Remove several sequins from Toddler’s nose.
4:30 Crazy time begins. Kids start their daily whine-fest. By this point in the day we’re all rather tired of looking at each other. How much longer till Husband gets home?
5:00 Make dinner while two screaming children cling to my pants leg. This should be some sort of olympic sport. I deserve a medal.
5:30 Eat dinner. Preschooler takes three bites and claims she’s done. Toddler decides she only needs to look at her food tonight, and take in all nutrition via telepathy.
6:00 Grocery shopping with children in tow. They really like to “help.”
7:30 Bedtime for the wee ones.
8:15 Workout time for Husband and I. No that’s not a euphemism for sexy time. We’re actually exercising. It’s a far cry from my previous 8:15 routine of eating a bag of Fritos in front of the TV.
9:30 Sneak into my kids’ room to watch them sleep. Best part of my day.
So, there you have it. A day in my life.
Also, we have mice in our house. More on that another time.
7 comments:
I don't know how you do it without completely going insane! I am just not cut out of the whole staying at home thing and I am so impressed by those who are.
Woo hoo for the whole couple exercise time. I was going to ask you how often you guys do it but then realized that it sounds like I am asking you about your sex life . . . I'm not . . . I promise . . . just curious how often you guys get your exercise on!
Jenn
Check the ears for sequins! Mine stuffed one up her nose and ear. Uggh.
And you know you've totally jinxed yourself, you know that, right??? Stuff is just going to drop out of the sky now.
on a good note, at least it wasnt the glue up the nose...
missing you btw!
in other news... something is definitely wrong with my keyboard. I canèt type apostrophes (as noted with the word cant) or question marks É (as noted with that weird E) what the hellÉ!É!É
@Fox in the city - we work out 3 days in a row, then have a day off. Lather, rinse, repeat.
@Lizbeth - oh my god how do you get a sequin out of some one's ear?!
@Carmen - you're keyboard has clearly gone insane.
We also sneak in at our bedtime and watch the baby sleeping (sometimes even put our hand on him to make sure he is ok)and we look forward to that moment every.single.night.
This made me laugh several times, which I really needed. Which is why i love you. Also, you SO deserve a medal. And you should know better with regard to the sequins...
You have mice in your house?! I have mice in my house! Although, by now, they are mostly dead mice. (FYI: Dead mice eat less food from the pantry but smell a whole lot worse than live mice.)
My kids were remarkably non-whiny when that age, but I still remember well the 5 o'clock exhaustion, that overwhelming sensation that if I could be not be horizontal with my eyes closed for at least five minutes, I would break apart into many sharp pieces that the children would then play with and cut themselves on and they would bleed to death and it would be all my fault because I. Was. A. Terrible. Mother.
But we all survived, and it does get better.
But then it get worse.
Then they move out and it gets much, much better.
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