I can't go to the zoo. Bad things happen.
The dear Betty Fokker posited what might be the obvious cause of my misfortunes: Was the zoo built on an ancient Indian burial ground?
The answer? Yes. YES IT WAS.
It turns out southern Wisconsin was a bit of an epicenter for Native American Effigy Mound culture. And the zoo - the zoo where...
.... My car was parked in by a school bus for 7 hours in a series of events that culminated in the breaking of my toe....
.... On a second occasion, I misplace my car for 36 hours due in part to the consumption of a questionable hot dog....
THAT ZOO is part of a park that is built on no less than 8 effigy mounds. A bird effigy, a linear mound and six conical mounds. There were two other conical mounds and another bird mound, but they were destroyed. OF COURSE THEY WERE.
So, no more zoo for me. Going back would be like asking for my car to become possessed with demons. I already shelled out for four new tires the other month - I'm not paying for an exorcism too.
5 comments:
That explains it. But if not the ZOO, where can we go to see cute monkeys and all?
@Stasha - I guess I'll just have to watch Animal Planet more often.
You must simply placate the Native American spirits, who will then let you go to the zoo in peace. They ignore asshats (which seems unfair, since they NEVER bother so many of the zoo-goers around you who totally DON'T RECYCLE) but if a non-asshat approaches their ground then the non-asshat must make a gesture of good will. Why? Because the Natives will run into the non-asshats in heaven later and they totally want to assert their indigenous rights before other you get up there, but they'll never have to see the asshats again. Duh.
Yeah! Exorcisms are expensive. Trust me.
Ah...NEVER mess with bad mojo
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